Dumb Robosexuals
by PerryRocks- Wolf Warrior
Summary: A collection of drabbles and oneshots containing (almost) everyone's favorite robosexual crack pairing! Requests are always welcome.
1. Chapter 1

_Fry/Bender Drabbles: #1_

 _Rating: K_

 _Description: Leela's become confused by the recent behavior changes between a certain robot and delivery boy._

 _A/N: I haven't written a fanfiction for anything in nearly two years, so I'm totally out of it. I think maybe writing drabbles will help with this, and get me back on a writing streak. Anyhoo, I've been watching Futurama again, and my love for this pairing came back. Apologies if anything seems a tad OOC. If you have any drabble requests, please inform me. I could use them._

 _Rating will go up as chapters progress._

* * *

How Leela found out her friends were dating, it took quite a bit for her to figure out. They still acted the same as they always did. It just took thinking to realize the clues she had seen, but dismissed.

Bender still always made comments toward Fry, talking down to him sometimes. He was still an asshole. But…now that Leela thought about it, she noticed that his comments had toned down just a little. They didn't seem as frequent. And whenever they sat down beside each other, she noticed that he'd scoot his chair just a little closer to his human friend's. The matter was brushed it off as nothing.

Then there was that time Bender stole from that store down the street. Nothing unusual about that, just same old Bender habits. Except, it was just the fact that the day before, Fry had commented about a watch he saw there when they were making a short delivery to the store. The thing cost quite a bit of money, and the crew left the store with Fry empty handed. It was the next day that Bender and Fry came to work, the same exact watch on Fry's wrist. When asked how he got it, Bender was quick to pipe up that he stole it, mistaking it for something else he wanted, and, not going to be able to return it to the store to get the other thing he wanted, simply gave it to Fry as a gift. Leela knew that certainly wasn't true. Bender was more careful when it came to stealing objects he wanted. There was no way he would have mistakenly pick up the wrong object.

That, and since when did he ever get anyone a gift? It was confusing.

Leela had taken note of more joking between the two, more closeness. The behavior was incredibly strange, and sometimes, Leela could have sworn she heard a flirting tone in their voices at random points in their conversations. She started to get a little concerned. She knew bromance was a thing, yeah, but…was it at _all_ like this? She knew nothing at all about it. The cyclops attempted to assure herself she was stressing over nothing. Leave it alone, and go on with your life. What those nutballs did was none of her business.

It worked, ignoring it. At least, for a while.

What finally sold it was during a work meeting. Hermes was talking about sales, everyone focusing their attention on him. Or at least, all but one. Professor Farnsworth, having found none of it interesting, had fallen asleep in his chair. His head tossed back as he snored quietly. Leela had found a pen on the table, and started playing around with it, listening to the meeting go on. It was when a loud snore from Farnsworth startled her that the pen fell onto the floor.

Leely bent down to fetch the pen, only to bonk her head once she grabbed it and started to sit back up. "Ouch!" she hissed. The pen had lost her grip again, and rolled farther down under the table. She crawled under the table to grab the pen, and she looked up.

What she saw made her forget entirely what she was doing.

Before the meeting started, Bender had, as he'd been doing for the past week or so, scooted his chair closer to Fry's. What made Leela shocked was that fact that Bender and Fry were holding hands, hiding this under the table so no one could see. Bender had Fry's hand in a grip, resting their hands on his knee. His thumb was gently rubbing the palm of Fry's hand, and she saw their hold tighten.

Just…what?

Before Leela's mind could fully understand what she was seeing, there was a tapping on the top of the table.

"Leela? Mind sittin' back down?" Hermes asked, bending down to look under the table to look at her; he was oblivious to Fry and Bender.

"Oh! Uh, right. Sorry." Remembering what she was doing, Leela picked the pen up, and scooched out from under the table. She was going to have to ask questions later.


	2. Chapter 2

_Rating: T for language_

 _Description: The duo decides to hit the theatre for a horror film._

 _A/N: Got the idea for this one while out with the family to the movies. Saw Poltergeist, and it was pretty great! This one is more friendship than actual relationship. As said before, if you have any requests for drabbles, inform me._

* * *

"Fry, hurry your ass up! We're gonna be late!" The grey robot clutched the humans hand tightly in his as they neared their destination. He was charging down the road as fast as he could run, quite literally dragging his friend with him.

"Bender-! _Ow!"_ Fry cried out in pain as his body was dragged along the sidewalk. His robot companion had hold on the arm of his jacket. _'Last thing I needed was to get scraped..!'_ "Can I walk now!?"

"Well, maybe if someone didn't have to go to the bathroom again before we left, we would've been on time! But nooo!" Bender turned his head to send a glare towards the orange haired human. He then set a mocking tone in his voice, crudely impersonating the other. _"Bender, I gotta go to the baaaathroom! I drank too much Sluuurrm!"_

"I DID!" Fry complained. He winced from the pain of the concrete rubbing up against him as he was continued to be dragged. "I'm gonna be all scratched up by the time we get there.."

"Don't bleed to death just yet, meatbag!"

It was one more minute of being scraped up and burned from the ground under him, before finally the torture ended. Fry grunted as he was dropped down, his head nearly colliding with the sidewalk. "We're here!" Bender announced. The two were standing (or more likely, one of them was while the other was laying on the ground in a crumpled mess of pain) in front of the movie theatre. There was a line already forming at the ticket booth.

"Great," Fry moaned in pain.

….

The theatre was packed. But what else could Fry have expected? The new movie had come out less than a week ago, and its popularity was still soaring sky high. They were lucky they got there early enough to buy tickets before they were sold out again. The two had seated themselves up into the top row, the screen being in full view without the complaints of Fry about the pain in his neck from craning his neck to see the screen.

"Think it'll suck, or actually be good?" Bender asked him; it was a little hard to hear him over the buzz from the filled theatre room, everyone talking excitedly.

"Well, I guess if everyone still wants to see it, it's good."

"Oh, please. Some people just pay to watch a bad movie to make fun of it. Maybe all these losers already saw it and just wanna make fun of it."

"Hey!" The person sitting in front of them turned to look at them, a rather smug looking grin on their face. "Wanna know how it ends? The guy finds-" He was punched in the face by Bender, and was knocked unconscious throughout the entire movie.

" _Shut up, asshole!"_

….

Bender made note never to take Fry out to see another horror movie. The orange haired man would whimper quite loudly at suspenseful parts of the film, and cover his face. Whenever something would jump out at the screen, his scream would seem louder than everyone elses.

There was a sudden high pitched scream.

"Wow! I wonder what ladies doing that!" Bender cackled, turning to look at Fry, only to find it was his friend screaming in horror.

"Hey! Tell your girlfriend to shut up!" hissed someone sitting nearby.

"Bite my ass!" Bender hissed back. There was a loud volume increase of scary music from the movie, and came another scream from Fry. The man's voice seemed strained from screaming so often during the film. Bender was horrified when he felt Fry then practically fly out of his seat onto him, knocking them both off the chair.

"Ow! Damn it, Fry!"

" _Shhhhh!"_ the theatre shushed at them.


	3. Chapter 3

_Anonymous on Tumblr:_ _writing request for fry & bender's first date/kiss/whatever? idk just their first somethin.(and you don't have to do it if you don't want to!)_

 _I was inspired by a piece of fanart by tumblr user dippitydapper. Erase the spaces since FF doesn't seem to like links dippitydapper . tumblr .com (slash) post / 79222735245 / a-fender-for-a-friend_

 _Rating: T for language_

* * *

"Hey, that was the last beer, you bastard!"

Bender glared at Fry, who was sitting on the couch in their apartment. The orange haired human was keeping his eyes on the television, boredly watching whatever was on at the moment. His attention towards it was taken away by Bender's angry comment. He turned to the robot, eyebrows raised.

"Huh?" His eyes lowered down to the cold beer bottle he was holding. "Oh…I guess I didn't notice. Sorry, Bender."

The bending unit only scoffed, before sitting down on the couch, making sure there was space between them. He was pissed.

"I'm sorry. I'll buy you some more beer later," Fry offered.

"I don't need your charity!"

Fry just sighed and shrugged, taking a small sip of the beer. It had just been barely opened, so there wasn't much gone. He just continued to watch the TV, while Bender seethed beside him. The robot had his arms crossed, refusing to even look at Fry. _'Damn, Fry. Damn him for taking my beer.'_

There was a sudden thought, and before Bender knew it, an entire plan was created.

Fry wasn't even paying attention to him anymore, the same stupid bored expression on his face. There then came the sound of the couch creaking, and a weight shift, and that barely took him out of his focus. It was only when he felt a robotic arm wrap around his waist that gave him a kick of reality.

"Hey, Fry?"

That couldn't have been Bender's voice.

No way.

There was no way he could've been talking to him like that. Even when they had started going out, the bending unit hadn't ever talked to him in such a way. Hell, they've never even kissed before. Something just told Fry that eventually they'd come around to it. Fry turned his head, eyes wide with surprise, and saw that Bender had sat himself close to him. He could make out the flirty expression the robot made as best as he could, and confusion was all he felt.

"Uh, Bender? You alright?"

Bender said nothing, only inching himself closer until their bodies were touching, and his hold on Fry's waist only tightened. Fry felt his heart begin to race, becoming more and more flustered. His face began to burn from a blush.

"..Bender?"

The man shivered as he felt Bender's free hand suddenly trail up his body, reaching up to the bottom of his chin. Bender took his chin in a gentle grip, keeping him in place so he could still look at him in the face.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" he asked Fry, inching his face closer. "You know, us being together and not doing this…"

Fry swallowed, his heart racing more than ever. "W-well, I gue-"

He hadn't been able to finish his sentence before he felt the metallic mouth collide gently with his lips. A muffled sound of surprise emitted from his mouth, his blush practically burning on his face and the back of his neck as he progressed what was happening. For the first time since they've been together, they were finally kissing.

As soon as the shock began wearing off, he began to get into the moment. He felt his eyes begin to close, his lips kissing back as they felt a small electrical spark that made them tingle…

He felt the beer bottle get yanked out of his hand, and the moment was gone.

"Ha!" Bender cheered, pulling away with Fry, his prize in his hand. "Sorry, meatbag!" He then proceeded to chug down the alcoholic drink. Fry could only stare, a dumbfounded expression on his face as what just happened finally made sense.


	4. Chapter 4

_Rating: M for Smut (turn your eyes away if you're uncomfortable reading this stuff!)_

 _A/N: Apologies for the wait for an update. I have been busy with personal matters, and only now have I got the time to write. Thank you for your requests, and I will be sure to get to them as soon as I possibly can!_

 _The last time I ever wrote something with an M rating between these two was my old one-shot Emotions. But there wasn't actually any full out smut in it, though. Anyway, this is pretty much my first time writing anything like this, so please pardon me if there's anything that's totally off. Also, note that this one shot contains Human!Bender. Some AU where, like in Anthology of Interest II, Bender turns human (but of course, in this one he doesn't die like the What If? Machine showed)._

 _As I've said, this is my first time really writing Smut, so if anything seems totally off or dumb, my apologies!_

As soon as the door was slammed shut, Fry felt himself being shoved against it, the back of his head hitting it. His yelp of pain was silenced as he felt Bender's lips capture his again roughly, continuing the kiss they had started earlier. Just the feeling of it, along with Bender wrapping an arm around him and a hand on his waist pulling him close, eliminated the pain in his head that occurred from the rough push into the door.

What had been a trip to a nearby bar for some stress relief from work that day, just the two almost using up a paycheck for drinks and nachos, ended up spiraling into something else. Bender didn't think the alcohol would have much effect on him as it did a robot, the only thing it did to him was just power his circuits. As a human, though, he found that the more drinks he got, the more weird feeling he became. He found things to be sillier, and his mind kept running away from him, thoughts popping into mind that hadn't when he was the human version of being sober. Fry had been giggling nonstop during their time there, having a few drinks in his system. Their little jokes between each other eventually turned into what seemed to be flirting. With each flirt ended up a scoot of their chairs closer, before finally, they ended up finding themselves stumbling back to the apartments, stopping every once in a while to hide out somewhere to make out for just a little.

Fry's arms wrapped eagerly around Bender's shoulders, pulling him closer as he eagerly kissed the other back. He couldn't really see much of anything, them being in the small, tiny room that they both had once slept in before realizing there was an even larger room behind it, having been hidden. His hands clutched the others white shirt as the feeling in the pit of his stomach grow, arousal increasing with every second. His breathing came in pants and moans, allowing him to catch his breath as Bender would remove his lips from his, turning his attention to Fry's neck. He was sure he already had some marks on his neck, and would have to tend to them in the morning so they were covered properly.

Human sex always seemed to be something that confused Bender. All he had been used to knowing about was robot sex, antennas being the thing they only needed. But now, it was just incredibly complicated when it came to humans. After having been turned human, the robot had been given what humans called 'the talk'. Sounded incredibly dramatic, but Bender found the whole thing hilarious. Just the fact that you had to go through enough arousal to get into the mood (apparently it seemed that it was different for humans than robots), and that a dude had to stick something into a woman to get pleasure out of it sounded nuts. Not to mention gross. Having to put something of yours into a human body sounded like the most disgusting thing ever.

Fry described arousal as being just wanting to do it no matter what. Bender's disgust just thinking about having to be inside a human was tossed aside. He wasn't sure if this was the arousal Fry was talking about (he kind of zoned out as he was given the talk), but all he knew was that he just wanted to do it. There was this almost painful feeling down in his pants that told him he was going to have to solve this quickly. It seemed that Fry had the same idea, because he felt a pair of hands fly to Bender's pants, trying to tug them down as best as he could. Bender took grp of his pants, quickly lowering them so they weren't in his way, boxers included. He then grabbed hold of Fry's pants, doing the same with them.

"Need lube…" Fry moaned out, his lips inches from Bender's as he tried to catch his breath as his pants were taken off

"Screw it. Will spit work?" Bender didn't wait for him to answer before quickly spitting on his hands, coating his fingers with it before reaching down and penetrating him. Fry inhaled sharply as this, some discomfort and pain on his face. Bender only let one finger in before letting in another. The bottom of the two had his eyes closed tightly, teeth gritted as this continued on for a bit before the fingers were pulled out. He was given a moment to catch his breath, the feeling from it fading a little. He heard Bender spit again on his hand, and he felt Bender roughly enter him, crying out a little at the new feeling.

Bender grabbed hold of Fry's left leg, hoisting it up as he pressed the other into the door more. Fry was hoisted upwards a little, Bender holding him tightly so he stayed in place as he thrusted upward into him. The pain lingered, Fry whimpering a little, before transitioning into tingling, pleasure shortly coming in. Fry's hands clutched Bender's face, pulling it close so he could kiss him as long as he could before having to pull away to be able to breath, the exhilaration getting to be a bit much. His breathing turned to pants as his hands wandered around from Bender's shirt to his hair, clutching it tightly, before going to his shoulders.

His moaning increased as Bender began going for his neck again, nipping it roughly as he felt Fry tighten around him, and his pace increased in speed. Bender hitting Fry's prostate as he thrusted deeper and faster caused Fry to end up crying out loudly. There was a tightening feeling in both of them, signaling that they were both about to finish.

"Bender, please, please...O-oh _god...!"_ Fry's voice pitched as he tried to speak. His words were barely made out, sounding as though they were mushed together. Moans and pants escaped his mouth, his head leaning against the door. His own arousal ached, and he would have fixed it himself, had his hands not been occupied already. He didn't want to let go, worried that if he did, he'd fall (even though Bender already had a tight hold on him to keep him from falling down).

" _Fuck,_ Fry…" Bender groaned out, his hold on Fry tightening as his speed continued to increase. He wasn't sure what the hell that feeling in his stomach was telling him, but good or bad, he didn't care. Hearing Fry's attempts at speech and moaning only made him want to keep going, and it eventually became too much when he came into the other, a shaky moan escaping him at the feeling that shot throughout his body.

Fry was then unable to keep going, moaning and his hold on the others shoulder tightening as he felt himself come onto the others shirt. It didn't matter to Bender at the moment, whose mind was spinning a little. It was quiet for the time being, the only sound being of pants.

"How you feeling, meat bag?" Bender finally was able to speak, his voice being a slight shaky.

It was a little bit before Fry could answer. "G-good…" he responded. Exhaustion was settling in for him, his drunk state not helping much. He was only waken up when there came the sound of someone pounding their fist on the door.

"SHUT THE HELL UP IN THERE!" came a rather angry voice. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"


	5. Chapter 5

_First off, I'm sorry for not updating at ALL last month. I had been out of town a majority of it, and hadn't had much time then to think about the oneshots. I also have college now, but luckily that won't take up too much of my time right now, and I'm taking a writing class, so that might boost up my writing ability! To those with requests in the reviews, I am working on how they will go right now! I have to get a full detail of how stories will go before I can write them down, or I'll get distracted and never get them done. But for now, enjoy this update, and it's longer than my other ones have been!_

 _Anonymous: Tbh I LOVE your writing! You are an amazing writer and you're very talented! :D ((Also, can I ask for a frender fic pretty please? Maybe like when one is sick and the other's the caretaker? You don't have to if you don't want though haha))_

 _Rating: T (for language)_

 _Description: Fry's sick, and Bender thinks he's the best caretaker for him. This can only go so well._

Leela sent a fist at the punching bag, her hand colliding with it and sending it back a bit. She had been an early riser that day, deciding to come to work early and start working out. Her muscles didn't ache as easily as they had when she started working with the bag, but they still did after a workout for minutes on end. She always made sure, though, to rest. During rest, she would always think of ways to provoke herself to work harder. A majority of the time, those thoughts were always about Zapp Brannigan, that self-absorbed bastard.

She was cut off from her thoughts when her cell phone rang. Catching her breath from the exercise, she went over to her gym bag, opening it to search for her phone. The name 'Bender and Fry' was written across the screen. Oh great, what now? Pressing her finger to the Answer button, she lifted the phone up to her ear. "Hello?"

"About time you answered! Something's wrong with Fry!"

Her irritation was wiped away by concern for her friend. "What's wrong?"

"He's complaining and he won't get out of bed. He looks like crap, too. I mean, he always looks like it, but he looks even worse now."

"Hmm. Check his forehead and see how it feels."

There came some grumbling from the other side of the phone, and soon she started hearing some faint groaning from the line. "Shut up, meatbag, I gotta feel your forehead," came Bender's unamused voice, and it was quiet for a few seconds, before his voice returned. "It's pretty hot."

"Sounds like he's sick, then," Leela stated the obvious. She sighed. "Well, I'd better get over there and take him to the doctor."

"What the hell would Zoidberg know?"

"I mean a _real_ doctor."

"Fry doesn't need a stupid doctor. He's perfectly fine! Aren't you, Fry?" There came another pitiful groan from Fry. "See? He agrees with me!"

"Fry needs someone who can give him the care he needs to recover."

"Wait, what the hell does that mean? Are you saying I'm not fit to take care of Fry!?"

"You're you, Bender. You can't take care of anyone but yourself."

"What a load of bull!" From the sound of Bender's voice, it sounded like he had been offended by the truth. "I can take care of Fry! He doesn't need you or a doctor!"

"Bender-!"

"You watch, cyclops! By the end of the day, Fry'll be good as new!" Judging by the sound Leela heard, it sounded like Bender had slammed the phone down onto the receiver. Wincing, she yanked the phone away and rubbed her ear.

….

"Stupid Leela, thinking she knows everything!" Bender scowled as he glared down at the phone he had hung up. "I can take care of a sick human!" He turned away from the phone then to the couch.

Laying there was the miserable meatbag that was Fry. He was shivering, clutching a blanket tightly around him, and groaning with obvious discomfort. He was clearly burning up, Bender could feel it before he even touched his forehead, it practically radiated off of him.

"Now, uh…what the hell do I do?"

"H-hey, Bender?" Fry's voice was pretty weak, and it sounded like he was exhausted.

"Yeah?"

"Can you get me some water, please? That really helps…"

"Uh, ok, sure." Maybe if he did whatever it was Fry needed, he'd get better quickly. That'd show that puppy stomper what's what. He went over to the fridge, and snatched up a bottle of water that was hidden among the rows of beer they had. Bender went back over to Fry, handing it to him. "Here."

"Thank you." Fry slowly took the bottle of water. "Um…c-can you open it for me?"

"What am I? Your butler?"

"Bendeeeeeeeerrrrr…."

"Fine! Fine, give me the damn bottle." Bender snatched it away to twist off the cap before giving it back. "Here!"

Fry shakily took a sip of the water. His hand was shaking pretty badly, that Bender had to hold onto it so it wouldn't slosh all over the floor. "There, you happy?"

"Mmhm…" Fry set the water bottle on the floor.

"Good. Anything else you humans need when you're sick?"

"My mom would usually make chicken soup whenever one of us was sick."

"I'm not your mom. BUT, I will make you some of Bender's amazing homemade chicken soup." Something in Fry's stomach stirred, making it give an uncomfortable ache. "You just lay here and don't die yet!" With that, Bender went to the kitchen area of the apartment, and grabbed his cookbook. "Ok, let's see…" He had barely found the page when there came a horrific retching sound. He shot around, and saw that the couch was empty, Fry having left it. The sound was coming from the bathroom.

Bender went to investigate, and saw that Fry was leaning over the toilet, emptying his stomach. "What the hell, Fry!?"

"I got the bug," Fry groaned, shaking even more now.

"So I guess chicken soups out of the question?"

"Sorry…"

God damn it.

It had been around an hour before Bender decided taking the humans temperature was necessary. Fortunately, they had one that Leela had bought for them, due to the fact she didn't believe Fry would buy all the necessary materials for housing (which she was quite correct). Soon, Fry had the small thermometer in his mouth, Bender sitting beside him, waiting impatiently.

"Ig gomfa fome uphiggin."

"What?" Bender turned to look at Fry, who suddenly looked like he was going to be sick again.

"Ig gomfa fome uphiggin!" Fry tried again.

"AACK! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO!? GIVE ME THE THERMOMETER! RUN!"

…

"You can't eat, and you can barely drink anything because your intestines hate you."

"Yep."

"You're broken, Fry. If you were a robot, you wouldn't have this problem."

Fry just groaned, wrapping the blanket more around himself. He felt miserable, he hadn't been this sick since he was back in the 20th century.

"So what else do you need that WON'T make you heave your guts?"

"Wet rag would help."

"That's what you said with the water."

"You put it on the back of my neck."

"Oh. Fine."

While Bender went to fetch a rag and soak it with water, Fry just reached over to the other side of the couch and grabbed the TV remote. TV was always there whenever he was sick. Bender returned later with a damp rag. "Alright, here, meatbag." He then draped it over the back of Fry's neck, the redhead shivering a bit from the cool feeling. Once making sure it wasn't going to fall off, he sat down beside Fry, attention now on the TV. He opened his chest compartment, taking out a cigar. He lit it with his finger, and stuck it into his mouth. "You need to quit being sick, I don't like it. Mainly cause I have to move around and do stuff."

Fry just took his pillow and leaned it against the bending unit before laying his head down on it comfortably. "Mm. You're a good friend, Bender." He gave a weak smile.

"Hell yeah I am." Bender just gently ruffled Fry's hair.


End file.
